Repressed Past
by WearingPinkToday
Summary: Gillian acts weirdly today, Cal is gonna find what's going on...


**I wrote this fic a long time ago. I found it on my PC so here it is! I don't think there will be a following to this story but who knows?!**

**English is not my first langage so be indulgent please. :)**

_**This takes place after Gillian's divorce so during season 2, 3 or 4 as you want!**_

**Enjoy and please leave a message.**

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><p><strong>REPRESSED PAST<strong>

This morning of November, Gillian went to work like everyday that she was coming since 8 years now. But this day was particular for her and she wasn't really in her shoes. She arrived after Cal that morning. She didn't say a word to Ana. She didn't past to say a hi to Cal. She wasn't like everyday 'cause, in fact, today wasn't a day like the others.

She was different, Cal saw it. When he exited his office he realized that her partner arrived. He thought that she was here only since few minutes but he was wrong.

"- Hey!" he said opening her door's office.

She raised her head, looking at him with a sad glance that she was trying to hide behind pleated eyes and a smile that didn't ring true. A novice probably wouldn't seen that she was cheating, that she was sad inside because of her eyes. But Cal wasn't a novice. Cal saw the sadness. Her smile wasn't bright and her eyes were empty.

"- Hey you." Gillian answered. She could see that Cal was reading her. He had this typical posture everytime when he was reading her. One or both hands in pants, shoulders raised, head leaning and this suspicious glance.

"- Something's wrong Gillian?" He was using her name, like everytime he wasn't talking about their business, as if he tamed her.

"- Sure. What about you?" She was trying to not release her feelings. She was hoping that Cal would understand to not cross the line. She needed to keep her feelings and her thoughts underground. But Cal pushed, he tried to know what was going on.

"- Are you sure?" His glance was insistent.

"- Yes, I'm fine Cal." She was looking at him in eyes. She was dominatrix and Cal understood that she wanted to keep all of this for her.

"- Ok then. I have to go out with Torres for the roommates case in Georgetown. See you later?"

"- Ok."

Cal was leaving the room when he turned and added:

"- You can call me if you need to talk Sweetie."

Gillian said nothing and only nodded biting her lips. He exited the office, leaving Gillian, back at her desk staring at the horizon, thinking in this particular day which reminding her bad memories.

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><p><em>November 11th, 1996. Mrs Bailey was fighting with her husband. Not that kind of arguments for subtle things like the fact that one of you forgot to buy milk. Not that kind, really. Mr Bailey was drunk, like everyday since many years now. His wife was sick of the situation and she was afraid. Afraid for her but above all for her daughter. She tried to help her husband but she didn't succeed and her husband's alcoholism had become increasingly negative from year to year. 2 days before, he went to lay a hand on his daughter. It was too much for Catherine Bailey, she had to leave her husband.<em>

_"- You can't leave me with my Lyly! You can't!"_

_Roger Bailey was yelling on her wife who was making her suitcases._

_"- Your daughter is major now, you can ask her what she wants to do but I'm sure she won't go back with you after you hitting her!" Catherine yelled like her husband was yelling and she was talking quickly. Roger seemed to be totally lost. We didn't know if it was due to the alcohol or to the upheaval that was played in his life. Catherine past in front of him with her 2 suitcases._

_"- You won't go anywhere Cathy! You're my wife! You're mine and I won't let you go like I won't let go Lyly!"_

_"- Open your eyes Roger! Lyly is already gone! She left you! You're not a father anymore to her eyes like you're not my husband anymore to my eyes!"_

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><p>Gillian blenched when she heard the door opening.<p>

"- Sorry Dr Foster, your appointment is arrived."

Gillian looked Ana a long time before saying:

"- Ana, use your knowledge about best liars to tell to my appointment that I'm not here. Invent anything!"

Ana peered her boss before nodding and go out of the office. When Ana went, Gillian cleaned a little, waiting the good moment to go without finding her appointment. Without stopping herself in the hall, she said to Ana:

"- Tell to Dr Lightman that I won't be there today and please cancel my appointments for the rest of the day."

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><p><em>He ran after her and watched her leaving in her car. This evening, he drank a full bottle of whiskey to stop thinking. Catherine was leaving him but what hurts most was his daughter denying him. He thought that it was what's he deserved. He knew that he was a bad man 'cause of the alcohol. He also had been a bad father but he hadn't always been like that. He had been a father present for his family. He had been happy a long time ago.<em>

_The next day he thought that he had to resolve the problem. Let his daughter living was too painful so he came to her. When she opened the door of her little student room, he smiled shyly at her. She started to clode her door but Roger put his foot before, stopping her._

_"- Gillian, I'm sorry. Please talk to me." He was looking at her with pleading eyes. She looked him, angry._

_"- I have nothing to tell you!"_

_"- Lyly, come on!"_

_"- I forbid you to call me like this! Go away! I don't want to see you. You're the evil. Never back to me!" and she closed the door. After seeing her dad, she called her mum but she didn't answer. Gillian was crying. All that she wanted was talk to her mom and forgive her family history. She had to go away but she didn't want to abandon her mum. This night, she thought until 4 am and when she woke up at 9 am the next day, she called her mum again but still no answer. She tried again every five minutes. She started to be worried and decided to go to see her mom._

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><p>Gillian exited of her thoughts when she heard the bell. She got up from the couch and moved toward the front door. When she opened, she could see Cal, hands in pockets.<p>

"- Hi!"

"- Cal? What are you doing here?"

"- I'm worried about you."

"- Why that?"

"- Because of your sad eyes, your repressed tears and you going away."

She didn't answer.

"- I'm sure that you haven't eaten. Order Chinese food honey 'cause I'm gonna invit myself for diner!"

When Cal saw the disorder in the lounge he says:

"- Woa woa woa! What's the hell here?!"

A wine's glass on the table and photo albums around.

"- What's going on Gil?"

They were sat in the couch, drinks in hands. The silent was heavy. Cal was looking Gil who was watching her feet.

"- Gil?"

"-…"

She raised her head to meet the inquisitive gaze of Cal.

"- Ok Cal…"

She was about to talk, Cal just had to wait.

"- There are some things that you don't know about me Cal."

She stopped few seconds and continued, eyes still watching everywhere without meeting his gaze.

"- I had a brother, Damian. He died when I was 16. He was 12…" Her voice was trembling, tears began to appear in her blue eyes.

"- You know that my father was alcoholic. He began to drink when Damian left." Her voice flinched at the mention of her brother.

"- My mother and I tried to help my father but more he drank more he became ungrateful."

"- Did he ever it you?"

"- Only once… I was already at the uni. I had my room on campus but I wasn't far from the house so I was going often to see my mom…"

"- To protect her?"

She nodded.

"- I was worried. Everytime that I pushed the door, I was afraid to discover her totally bloody. One day I came home for the diner. I entered and they were yelling. We could hear them in the street. My father was drunk and Mommy had this bruising on her eye. I yelled too to stop them. My father continued to yell after her and after me. I was tired of these moments so…So I pluck up courage and I told him that he was a crap. That he didn't deserve us. I yelled so hard you know."

She looked Cal trying to find courage to continue. He cheered up to do only with his gaze.

"- He walked toward me and he struck me so hard that I fell to the ground. He struck me again. My mom tried to stop him. When I cried him to stop he looked at me and he left totally horrified. It was the first time that he showed him violent."

"- What happened after?"

Gillian sighed, wiping a tear from a cheek and continued:

"- I tried to reason Mommy but she was afraid to let him. She thought that he could change. I put her an ultimatum: him or me."

"- What did she chose?"

Gillian didn't answer and Cal understood.

"- Did you leave the rest of your life alone? I mean without your parents?"

"- Yes but maybe I hadn't to…" Gil looked pensive.

"- What do you mean honey?"

" – This evening I came back to my campus' room. The next day my dad came to me. For the first time in few months, he was sober but I refused to hear him. I closed the door and I tried to call my mom. I was feeling guilty and I tried, I tried again and again to call her. I just needed to hear her voice and know that she was ok."

"- You never told me how's your mom dead."

"- No…"

"- What happened after that?"

"…I came back at home. I knew that my father would be in a bar. When I arrived, I found an empty home. She had left home. So I thought that she would be in my place but she wasn't there. I waited hours and then days. A little more than one week later, I had this call. They had found Mommy."

The tears flowed down Gillian's cheeks.

"- She was in her car in a river."

She was crying a lot. Cal approached from her and surrounded her in his arms.

"- I'm sure he killed her Cal. I'm sure my dad did."

"- Have you ever ask him?"

"- I didn't have to. I know he did."

Gillian was categorical.

"- Ok Love, ok…"

They stayed a long moment like this, in the silent until Cal asked:

"- Gil?"

"- Yeah?"

" How your brother is he died?"

"- Damian was hit by a car while he returned from school. The conductor was drunk…This is ironic right?!"

Cal put a kiss on her front.

"- Do you know where your father is now Sweetie?"

"- No and I don't want to know. He came to me 2 times in 15 years but I never talked to him."

"- Do you regrets?"

"- No!"

"- So why are you acting like this Honey?"

Gillian turned her head to look Cal.

"- 'Cause today it's the 15th anniversary of my mom's death…"

Cal could see that she wasn't telling all.

"- And?"

"…Today it's my dad's birthday, he's 70."

"- What?!"

Gillian was looking him, nodding.

"- It's why you think your dad killed your mom? Because she died the day of your dad's birthday…"

"- He killed her Cal, I know that!"

Cal drew her to him, squeezing her in his arms.

"- Ok Love, it's ok."

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><p><strong>END or maybe not...<strong>


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